Talking to Your Child

What Do I Say to My Child?

It's not easy to talk to kids about sex. However, parents must because American culture is preoccupied with it, and our children are bombarded from all sides. The paradox is that while premarital sex is wreaking havoc with our children, it's glamorized as something teens must do to be "part of the crowd." Aren’t you glad that The PEERS Project is empowering positive teenage role models to promote abstinence from premarital sex and drugs?

The life-changing consequences of premarital sex mean it is essential that you discuss the reasons for abstinence with your child. Research studies prove that kids want to know what their parents think is right and wrong. Parents are the primary influence in their children's lives, and when parents are more "connected," their children are less likely to get involved in risky behavior. Even during adolescence, when peer relationships become critical, teens who are close to their parents usually develop friendships with peers who avoid taking risks.

How to become more "connected" to your kids:

  • Spend quantity and quality time with them
  • Fill their "emotional tank" with regular affection
  • Praise them daily
  • Affirm what they are doing right
  • Listen as much as you talk
  • Share your values to reinforce abstinence
  • Affirm their effort in school work
  • Don't take their "attitude" personally
  • Be pleasant and use a calm tone of voice
  • Be as respectful of them as you expect them to be of you

How to help your kids resist premarital sex & drugs:

  • Be a positive role model
  • Praise them daily
  • Affirm what they are doing right
  • Listen
  • Ask questions to stimulate discussions
  • Get involved in their activities
  • Know their friends
  • Discuss and practice refusal skills
  • Discuss the issues that are important to you
  • Set, discuss and consistently enforce family rules
  • Help them make healthy decisions
  • Talk about the consequences of premarital sex and drugs, including alcohol and tobacco
  • Recommended websites are www.medinstitute.org and http://www.4parents.gov

Some issues to discuss with your child:

  • The only certain way to prevent STDs, including AIDS, and pregnancy is not to have sex.
  • More than half of teens in the U.S. are not having sex, despite what the media would lead you to believe.
  • The number of teens choosing abstinence is actually growing. The virginity rate has increased significantly since 1991.
  • About half of teens who got pregnant were having sexual intercourse for the first time.
  • Condom efficacy:
    • From 20-36% of teens got pregnant while using a condom.
    • Condoms provide "virtually no protection against the humanpapilloma virus" (HPV) that causes genital warts. HPV is the most prevalent viral STD in America with 20 million infected people and is linked to most cervical cancer cases.
    • Condoms provide only about 50% reduction in the transmission of genital herpes, syphilis, and chlamydia.
  • 8 out of 10 teens were using alcohol when they had their first sexual experience.
  • 60% of all STDs are transmitted when partners are drunk and have sexual intercourse.
  • 66% of all unwanted pregnancies happen when a girl is drunk.
  • If adolescents get sexually involved because friends think they should, they're letting people control them. Adolescents should be in control of what they do.
  • Premarital sex ruins relationships. The average teen couple that gets sexually involved breaks up within a few months.
  • If you get pregnant or get someone pregnant, you probably won't be able to do the things you want to do with your life.
  • By focusing on friendship instead of sex, you'll be smarter about relationships, and have healthier ones.


"The mentors taught me how to be strong and stick up for myself. I also enjoyed the facts. I learned a lot of stuff that I didn't know." ~ Shana